This post isn't going to be the "feel good" that I intended to have this blog be about. But I need to be selfish and put this in writing... I've had another season in my life that has been hard to walk through. And instead of shutting down which is normal for me, I am stretching myself and admitting that lately life has sucked!! (And maybe it's been that way for you as well)
2010 has been the hardest year in my 40 years.
Before I begin my ramblings, I want to say, that there are some great and very sweet memories in 2010. My oldest, Sarah Beth, has grown in grace where I am her best friend. She has figured out what it takes to accomplish the IB program. And she has learned the value of being and having a friend - yes, that includes boys as well . My son, Andrew John, has grown so much in 2010. I have never seen a body grow as much as his did this year. He now is just taller than me. But with this rapid growth rate, we've had to work on the huge rush of testotrome that also came with it. We had to work with the anger that came with his frustrations, but Andrew grew in 2010 to become a fine young man that is enjoyable to have in my life. He is constantly wanting to joke and goof around, but his heart is tender to those that are hurting. And my baby, Hannah Kay - two words that describe her - cutie patootie!!! 2010 gave Hannah experiences that brought her out of her shell. She used to be very quiet and shy, but this past year has given her a voice. She is funny and very tender hearted!!
As for me, 2010 has taught me that my value and worth are not determined by a man's opinion but because God gave me life and has a purpose for me. 2010 has taught me that a man's opinions of my actions do not mean that is what I've done. 2010 has taught me that I do make mistakes - lots of them - and as much as I need to receive grace and forgiveness, I need to forgive and be gracious to others. 2010 has taught me that Life is soon over requiring that I leave a legacy that is remembered well.
So as I think over 2010, there was a lot of good! But as I said earlier, 2010 has been the hardest for me in many ways: I had to fight for my kids - to be involved in their lives. I had to fight financial issues - the IRS, mortgage companies and a couple of insurance companies. I had to fight for valve in a business - where I'm part owner but don't have a voice. And I had to fight for a marriage - and lost. And I find myself needing a job in a market that isn't friendly towards the unemployed.
2010 was not an easy year - not at all!!!!
So I find myself hesitant to look forward to 2011. And those that know me know that I'm an optimist. I usually see the positive and not the negative. So this hesitation is hard for me to understand because it's a new emotion to me - a new anxiety. So as I look towards 2011, I have to admit and be thankful that there is Someone so much bigger than me!!! God was not surprised by what took place in 2010 nor is He unprepared for 2011. As I am scared about 2011, I have to leave this year before the God who is prepared and the God who will be with me! So I guess, after all, I'm in good hands - 2011 will be good!
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